My life, currently, can best be described by a famous group of philosophers, who once were quoted, saying,
Indeed, it might be even worse because I don't have a job to call a joke, nor was I ever not broke in the first place. Let's ignore the last line.
Recently, as some people may know, I had the opportunity to interview with a startup company named WHILL. It was a great opportunity, and my first interview since coming out here to California. While I ended up not getting the job, it was still a very good experience to be able to talk to people in a different mindset than those at larger companies. But since I didn't get the job, I am essentially back to square one, where I have this mundane cycle of submitting applications and resumes, waiting for responses, and doing other random stuff in between. I wanted to take some time to discuss what I am doing moving forward from this, as well as what I think I am doing incorrectly.
To begin, I think one of the things I am doing wrong is not being able to find the motivation to apply for work. I will admit, I am doing much better out here than I was in the Midwest, but there is still that lull where you don't even know if companies are reading your resume or application. I think I have trouble finding the motivation because at the crux of it all, I seriously don't know what my life is looking like moving forward. I'm at a loss because even though people keep saying doors will continue to open up for me, I feel a bit like these doors aren't opening for me, but only cracking open a bit to let me see a small sliver of what it could turn into. Yes, I could grasp at any of these opportunities. No "but" about it. At the same time, I'm confused more than anything because there are so many opportunities.
That said, another mistake that I've made is waiting. For the past 3 or 4 months now, all I've essentially done is waited for things to come my way. I tell so many people that, yes, I plan on continuing to pursue film and/or music to some degree, but that I would do so once I get a full-time job, once I get a salary, or once I get some kind of security. In that time, there are so many different things I could have done to mitigate the process. Let this be a lesson to everyone who is graduating soon: if you don't have any plans after graduation in the form of job offers or travel plans, then take a vacation. After you take a vacation, get a part-time job, take courses, or pick up new skills some other way. Seriously. I greatly overlooked this, and now, although I don't think I regret it just yet, I wonder how my life might have changed within a matter of a few weeks. I don't think I'm at the point where I can go around telling people to just "go for it", but definitely don't waste time. If you don't want to take a risk, don't; but use that time to do something else productive. I'm a procrastinator. I learned this the hard way. If you are also a procrastinator, I am telling you to keep this at the back of your mind at the very least.
All talk, no action. This goes hand-in-hand with waiting. Honestly, if you're going to go through the trouble of telling people that you are going to do something, you sure as hell better make it a point to. I've been telling people that I was in the process of doing this-and-that for months now and only recently have I even begun to do any of it. Tell people you're going to do things publicly or privately, it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, no one can keep you accountable if you don't have the desire to do it yourself in the first place. Don't expect other people to hold your hand through this. You're not on your own, but you should probably make an effort to start at least.
So what am I doing moving forward? Well, for starters, making and paying for this website was a big step for me, I think. A huge deterrent to me applying for or even searching for jobs was that I was embarrassed to say my portfolio was a dinky little page that I barely updated and definitely did not spend the time to design it more carefully. You would think that would encourage me to make this page sooner, but it ultimately did not. It actually wasn't until Squarespace sent me an email saying that I had 24 hours left on the free trial before my page expired that I impulsively decided, what's $200 a year? Practically nothing, if you consider the possibilities it opens up.
I wrote on a previous blog post that I would take requests by an interest-only process. This is still true, but I have also taken the initiative to sign up on a few freelance design pages to restart the interest I had years ago. After all, it is on my resume, so I better have some stuff to back it up that isn't from 2+ years ago. In a way, it's sort of like a part-time job, except there's just no guaranteed pay.
To be honest, I don't know what else to do moving forward. It's hard to update my resume when I don't get any replies in the first place, even after many revisions. Is there something actually wrong with it, or is it just being glanced over? I don't know. I have 5 versions of the dang thing. But now I realize more and more that, beyond being an issue of time, it is an issue of my mindset. All I can do is mentally prepare and brace myself for whatever comes my way.
Thanks for reading this far, if you made it here. There's no prize, unfortunately. I guess you can have a virtual high-five?