To give a little insight into how these posts form, the first thing I do is open up the previous week's post and quickly skim through it. That is, after I find an aptly-titled song to quote at the beginning of each post. That being said, I think this week has suddenly become a little bit uncanny for me. You see, at the butt-end of last week, I mentioned that these #WVW posts are low-to-no commitment. And then, this afternoon, this happened:
...Because the world is out to get me. Or, just Taylor.
Anyway, treachery aside, I spent a couple hours thinking about this topic because it's not one that I think about often. And now, I proudly present to you what hours' worth of thinking has brought me to conclude. As it turns out, I'm scared of commitment.
Yay me. I'm not sure this really requires any explanation, but I'm going to do it anyway or else this looks like a cop-out.
To be clear, I don't not make commitments, I just tend to avoid them if it's possible. Not proud of this, but it is the truth. In fact, I can list the things I am committed to right now. It's not an impressive list:
- Watching new episodes of Running Man and Infinite Challenge every week.
- Reading the new Marvel comics every week.
- Charging my phone every night.
- Writing these posts every Wednesday.
As you can see, this is nothing to be proud of. But in the spirit of transparency, I will be honest and say that these are the ONLY things I am committed to, or at least consistent with on a regular basis. Some weren't even by choice, but rather just sort of happened. (Saying "some" in this case is kind of embarrassing because there are only so many to choose from.) Everything else I do can be considered a strongly suggested activity. And, well, I don't take to my own authority very well. I stuck it to the man, and the man was myself.
The crux of the matter, if I may just start analyzing, is that commitment that involves any sort of change caused by long-term effort is what bothers me. I think that's why I try to do things spontaneously—it's quick and often doesn't require any sort of planning or thinking ahead. Commitment is, I think, a continuous effort that I don't have the patience or (possibly) the guts for. Especially when it involves other people.
So is that something I can change? I think so. It's kind of ironic that, as we enter the new year and everyone tries to commit to a change for the following year, that my commitment is learning how to commit. I don't know how I got myself into this mess, but here I am. I'm going to need a lot of help, especially from those of you that I see or speak to regularly. Will Hang Out For Help.
One last thing: I'm looking forward to this. Change is good, change is necessary, change is—I'm propaganda-ing myself now.
Welp, another thing I'm trying is less rambling and more getting to the point. I think being more succinct and less detail-driven will open up discussion more? Who knows? Re-reading this, I feel like I'm losing out on a lot of analysis, and it looks kind of half-assed, but hey. CHANGE IS GOOD. CHANGE IS NECESSARY. CHANGE IS COMPLIANCE.