Last night, while driving home from work, I suddenly got this urge to hydrate myself. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't take the time to do so over the course of the day and happened to think about it then. But whatever the reason, I ended in the precarious position of being 20 minutes away from home and also not having a water bottle with me.
I held out. I know, you're impressed. But the second I got home, my first course of action was to get water. I found an empty bottle, filled it to the brim, and drank the water. But upon putting the bottle down, I had to backtrack for a second. Why did I use a bottle? I mean, I wasn't intending on going anywhere, not even up the stairs. So why on Earth did it matter if the bottle was enclosed or not?
Last night, I discovered that I don't use mugs not because I don't like them, but rather I don't trust myself enough with anything with an open top.
The reason why I share this seemingly pointless anecdote is because when told to write about a defining moment of my life, this was honestly the first thing that popped into my mind. It's stupid. You're right. I'm weird.
Truth is, like many of the topics Taylor has given me, the idea of a "defining moment" isn't something that I've given much thought. I believe that there are a few events in my life that I can remember pretty vividly and perhaps a lesson or two I learned from each, but I guess the trouble with that is I don't know if they count as defining moments. I also think there are certain points in almost everyone's life where you might be able to designate as an event of major importance (i.e., college/independence for the first time, your first job, etc.), but again, is it defining? I guess it depends on your definition of the term.
Every story has three points: a beginning, a middle, and an end. A defining moment would most likely be something in the middle, the culmination of all events leading up to it, all the choices made, and the consequences of it. With that in mind, I suppose it's easier to look at a defining moment in retrospect. Something I hear a lot these days is, "my word for the past year was..." (or some variation of that). We can take the previous year(s) as a whole and pick our way through the things we remember until we have this structure. This idea of our past year as a story. You can do that. I don't think I can.
When I think of the past, things are hazy, glowy, blurry, and have this kind of ethereal feel to them. Everything is dramatized, everything is seen not from my perspective, but the perspective of a silent observer, as if I'm watching my own life as a soap opera, sitcom, or drama. I think this is why it's hard for me to think—even wonder—about what some defining moments of my life are. Does it really count as a defining moment if you don't realize it during or soon after the event? I don't know.
I consider everything in my life, my "story", for better or worse, in the big picture. At 23 years, I don't know if I have the right to say this, but I'm prepared for a (read: the) defining moment of my life to come at a later time. Everything I have done, everything I will do from now until then, is simply a stockpile of lessons, skills, mistakes, whatever that will lead up to this moment. I mean, thinking about it that way, everything that might be considered a "defining moment" thus far is simply another step towards the future.
It's interesting to consider that everything you have done, all that you are, may one day intersect so that you alone can set something in motion, like your life is just however many years you have in preparation for one "defining moment".
I don't know. Just my two cents. Thanks for reading!